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When Someone You Love Is Unhappy

Photo: Alex E. Proimos

A patient of mine has a mentally ill brother who’s depressed and anxious, as well as manipulative and stubborn.  He often refuses to take medication that’s helped him in the past and as a result often ends up lying at home in his bed, unwashed and unkempt, for days at a time.  When my patient discovers him in this state, she tries various things:  taking him to the ER (which she’s learned leads nowhere), contacting his therapist (which sometimes helps, sometimes not), and even walking away, both figuratively and literally.  She struggles with how much she may be enabling his behavior and with how unhappy his unhappiness is making her. Continue reading…

Why We Lie

liarSeveral months ago, my wife and I began toilet training our son, Cruise (the Montessori method is to train toddlers to use the toilet as early as possible).  We’d diligently put him on a small potty in his bathroom as often as we could drag ourselves into doing it and repeat over and over to him, “Pee pee on the potty, Cruise.  Pee pee on the potty.”  In order to get him to remain sitting on it so that he might actually pee into it, we’d read books to him, which he loves more than almost anything.

Like many toddlers, when his bedtime arrives, he often prefers to stay up playing with his parents.  One night as we were laying him down in his crib, he surprised us by grabbing his diaper with his hand and exclaiming, “Pee pee on potty.  Pee pee on potty” in a plaintive, expectant voice.  But we knew he didn’t need to pee as we’d just taken a freshly wet diaper off him. Continue reading…