How To Tear Up The Good Guy Contract

Photo: Mike George

Photo: Mike George

In a previous post, The Good Guy Contract, I wrote about the particular challenges faced by people dominated by their need to be liked by others. In that post I recounted my own inability to say “no” and then went on to describe my discovery of the reason for it: I’d signed a Good Guy Contract: Continue reading…

The Right Way To Think About Your Risk Of Ebola

EbolaEbola has riveted our attention: It’s a deadly disease with no known cure, and as is true of most infectious diseases, it’s easy to imagine how it could become a global pandemic and threaten us directly. For what it’s worth, though, here is what the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention tells us about Ebola: Continue reading…

How To Give And Receive Feedback, Redux

feedbackMy student’s voice trembled as she answered my question.  “How do you think you’ve done so far?” I’d asked her.  We’d been together on the general medicine inpatient ward for two weeks—the midpoint of the rotation—and as was my usual custom I was giving her feedback on her performance by first asking her to rate her performance herself. Continue reading…

The Middle Age Spread And How To Combat It

Photo: bark

Photo: bark

The reason so many people gain weight as they enter middle age is no mystery: if, as an example, you only eat 50 extra calories per day over a period of twenty years that you don’t burn off by exercising, it will result in a weight gain of 104 pounds. (Here’s the math: 50 extra Cal/day x 365 days/year=18,250 extra Cal/year. 18,250 extra Cal/year x 1 pound/3,500 Cal=5.2 extra pounds/year. 5.2 extra pounds/year x 20 years=104 pounds.) Continue reading…

How To Be Nice To The Ones You Love Most


hurt girl

Photo: Clemens v. Vogelsang

Why is it we so often find ourselves treating the ones we most love the most shabbily? I don’t think, contrary to popular wisdom, that the answer is that familiarity breeds contempt. After all, it’s not that all the wonderful things we loved about our loved ones when they first entered our lives gradually become repulsive to us (“I hate that you’re so kind to everyone!”). Rather, I think it’s because our tolerance for all the things we disliked invariably diminishes over time. Continue reading…

The Obstacle Is The Way


the path through

Photo: the_tahoe_guy

What’s the worst problem you have right now? Have you lost your home? Your job?   Are you worried you might? Or are you facing a terrible illness?

Long-time readers of this blog know much of my philosophy has been shaped by my study and practice of Buddhism. One of the most useful concepts I’ve adapted is the concept of changing poison into medicine. That is, from the Buddhist perspective, all people are endowed with the innate ability to create value out of any situation, no matter how awful or tragic. Unlike the idea that every cloud has a silver lining—that something positive can always be found in everything negative—the principle of changing poison into medicine explains that we can transform even the most horrific tragedy into the very thing we need to become happier than we currently are. Continue reading…

Do Liberal Policies Make People Happier?


Photo: DonkeyHotey

Though I’m loathe to wade into any discussion of politics in a public forum—and at the risk of earning the ire of conservatives—I want to explore in this post an argument put forth by Professor Benjamin Radcliff in his new book The Political Economy of Human Happiness that policies typically associated with the political left lead to greater happiness for citizens than policies typically associated with the political right. Continue reading…

Why Be Honest?

liar 2

Photo: Kenny Louie

We all lie. Admittedly, most of do so only occasionally. But we still all do. Yet most of us also consider ourselves honest. In his book, The (Honest) Truth about Dishonesty, Dan Ariely offers evidence that we’re able to believe we’re honest even though we lie or cheat by doing so only in little ways. We’re therefore able to tell ourselves we’re mostly honest—that is, we’re only dishonest in ways that we think don’t matter. Apparently this strategy works: most of us don’t suffer serious cognitive dissonance over our integrity. Thus it seems we can have the best of both worlds without too much work: we can lie or cheat in little ways that place us at an advantage but still get to view ourselves as fundamentally honest. Continue reading…

The Greatest Invention Of All Time

Photo: Horia Varlan

The greatest invention of all time isn’t, as is sometimes argued, penicillin. Nor is it the computer. Nor is it running water, electricity, the automobile, or the airplane. Rather, it’s the thing that has made all of these things—and so many more—possible: the scientific method itself.

Many people don’t realize that the scientific method is a relatively recent development, something not inborn but something that was invented, originating sometime around the 17th century. Prior to that, people explained the world around them with stories that they’d either learned from the previous generation or that they invented themselves. It wasn’t until the 17th century that anyone began trying to figure out how ideas could be rigorously tested. Continue reading…

What Makes A True Friend, Redux


Photo: ElektraCute

The Japanese have a term, kenzoku, which translated literally means “family.”  The connotation suggests a bond between people who’ve made a similar commitment and who possibly therefore share a similar destiny.  It implies the presence of the deepest connection of friendship, of lives lived as comrades from the distant past. Continue reading…