The Importance Of Good Influences, Redux

Photo: Brian Snelson

While I was growing up, my brothers (I’m the eldest of four boys) often chided me for being so much like my father. I suppose it was inevitable that I would be; firstborn children tend to be rule followers (if you believe in the significance of birth order) and I fit […]

How To Help People Grieve

Photo: Beverly

After a prolonged, debilitating illness, two weeks ago my father–at long last–died. As a physician, I’ve observed many people experience loss, but this is the first time I’ve lost someone close to me. This has, not surprisingly, put me on the receiving end of many condolences. Yet unable to rid myself of […]

The Art Of Microcompromise, Redux

“What do you want for dinner?” I asked my wife.

Photo: ralphbijker

“I don’t know,” she answered. “What do you want?”

“How about hamburgers?”

“No, I don’t want hamburgers.”

“What do you want then?”

“I don’t know…pasta.”

[…]

How To Tear Up The Good Guy Contract

Photo: Mike George

In a previous post, The Good Guy Contract, I wrote about the particular challenges faced by people dominated by their need to be liked by others. In that post I recounted my own inability to say “no” and then went on to describe my discovery of the reason for it: I’d […]

How To Be Nice To The Ones You Love Most

 

Photo: Clemens v. Vogelsang

Why is it we so often find ourselves treating the ones we most love the most shabbily? I don’t think, contrary to popular wisdom, that the answer is that familiarity breeds contempt. After all, it’s not that all the wonderful things we loved about our loved ones when they […]

Why Be Honest?

Photo: Kenny Louie

We all lie. Admittedly, most of do so only occasionally. But we still all do. Yet most of us also consider ourselves honest. In his book, The (Honest) Truth about Dishonesty, Dan Ariely offers evidence that we’re able to believe we’re honest even though we lie or cheat by doing so […]

What Makes A True Friend, Redux

Photo: ElektraCute

The Japanese have a term, kenzoku, which translated literally means “family.” The connotation suggests a bond between people who’ve made a similar commitment and who possibly therefore share a similar destiny. It implies the presence of the deepest connection of friendship, of lives lived as comrades from the distant past.

[…]

How To Communicate With Your Life, Redux

Photo: Nuno Duarte

When my wife and I were first learning to ballroom dance (much fun!) I was amazed at how effortlessly our teacher was able to lead her when demonstrating a technique to me. She always seemed to know where he wanted her to go and how he wanted her to move, despite […]

How To Manage Anger, Redux

Photo: darkpatator

Years ago, a hulk of a man came to see me with a lump in his neck. He was as big as the lump was small, standing at least six and half feet tall with shoulders that seemed almost as broad. His lump, in contrast, was only 2 cm wide.

Wide enough, […]

Being Considerate Of Your Future Self

Photo: Natalie Barbosa

In a previous post, The Problem With Reincarnation, I wrote: “The sense of self I feel and have always felt has seemed constant throughout my life, which is why I feel as if I even have a core self. But a moment’s reflection reveals that what’s really remained constant is the […]