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Posted by Alex Lickerman  Print  Email to a friend  Photo: tawalker Several weeks ago, I was editing together some video footage for a home movie and was surprised to discover how irritated, negative, and just plain mean I sounded when talking to my wife. I remember most of the interactions that were filmed but not any of the feelings I was quite clearly projecting. In one segment, my wife was trying out a tripod and having trouble figuring out how to use it correctly. “You’re holding it wrong,” I snapped sharply. “That’s not right at all!” Continue reading…
Posted by Alex Lickerman Print Email to a friend  Photo: Robert S. Donovan I once made a determination to call a friend on the phone every day for one year. He was new to the practice of Nichiren Buddhism and struggling with a misery of an intensity I’d rarely seen. Anxiety and depression were overwhelming him and ruining the quality of his everyday life. I’d hoped to encourage him by leveraging some discipline of my own.
Most days we’d talk for under two minutes. My goal wasn’t to engage him in a lengthy and significant dialogue every day, which would have been exhausting to us both, but rather simply to remind him I was there and to try to bolster his determination to do something that he said he wanted to do and that I thought would help resolve his suffering. Continue reading…
Posted by Alex Lickerman Print Email to a friend  After meeting with an attending physician in a Physical Diagnosis class when I was a second-year medical student, I remember thinking how impossible it seemed that my brain would ever contain as much medical knowledge as his. And even if somehow one day it did, how would I ever be able to call on it, manipulate it, twist it, bend it, and turn it upside down with the same apparent ease as he? Continue reading…
Posted by Alex Lickerman Print Email to a friend  A patient who held an upper-level management position in his company once told me the following story: he was interviewing a candidate for a mid-level management position and thought, on the surface, the candidate was a star: enthusiastic, mature, intelligent, articulate, prepared, experienced, and visionary. After consulting with his other upper-level management peers who also interviewed the candidate, hiring him seemed a no-brainer. And yet, my patient told me, something made him hesitate. Something about the candidate—he still couldn’t explain what—just “rubbed him the wrong way.” Continue reading…
Posted by Alex Lickerman Print Email to a friend  When I was a child, I was afraid to go to summer camp. Most kids found the prospect exciting and the experience fun, but I dreaded it. What would the activities be like? Who would my counselors be? What other kids were going? Would I be made to swim if I didn’t want to?
After a few days, the camp routine became just that—routine—and I settled down. But transition periods remained challenging for me throughout my adolescence. As adults, many of us still struggle with change—even good change, like starting a new job, moving to a nicer house, or getting married. Just what is it about transition periods we find so challenging and how can we get through them with less stress? Continue reading…
Posted by Alex Lickerman Print Email to a friend  “He was just…” My patient groped for the right words. “…pretty great.”
She was talking about her boyfriend—or rather, her ex-boyfriend. He’d recently ended their relationship, and she’d come to me now, several months later, unable to shake herself out of the funk in which she’d been left by his leaving.
Surprisingly, she harbored no ill feelings toward him for breaking up with her. Continue reading…
Posted by Alex Lickerman Print Email to a friend 
When I was a little boy—around six or so—I used some markers to draw a picture of a skyscraper-lined city street with cars rushing past (posted to the right). I showed it to my parents, who I vividly recall gushed with praise and awe as only parents do. I don’t remember her exact words, but my mother left me with the impression that I’d created something far better than I should have been able at my age. Continue reading…
Posted by Alex Lickerman Print Email to a friend  Every once in a while (or perhaps more frequently than I’d like to admit) I find myself overwhelmed by my own life. Taking care of patients, blogging, writing, maintaining relationships (with my wife, son, family, friends, and co-workers), exercising, practicing Buddhism, marketing my writing, answering pages, answering emails, handling unforeseen crises, cleaning out our cats’ litter boxes—suffice it to say one of my greatest challenges is not only getting all these things done day after day but also finding time to enjoy a few leisure activities, too. Continue reading…
Posted by Alex Lickerman Print Email to a friend  While I was growing up, my brothers (I’m the eldest of four boys—I know: my poor mother) often chided me for being so much like my father. I suppose it was inevitable that I would be; firstborn children tend to be rule followers (if you believe in the significance of birth order) and I fit the stereotype. Some boys use their fathers to push against as they struggle to establish their own independent identities. I used mine as a role model.
My decision to do this was largely, though not entirely, unconscious. Continue reading…
Posted by Alex Lickerman Print Email to a friend  “What do you want for dinner?” I asked my wife.
“I don’t know,” she answered. “What do you want?”
“How about hamburgers?”
“No, I don’t want hamburgers.”
“What do you want then?”
“I don’t know…pasta.” Continue reading…
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