Boredom

Photo: Shermeee

Nothing in the world is quite so awful as boredom.  Unmitigated pain—physical or emotional—is commonly viewed as giving rise to the worst kind of suffering, but the suffering engendered by true boredom, though qualitatively different, is perhaps in some ways just as terrible.  I’m not talking about being bored for a few hours while waiting in line at Disneyland or in the waiting room of a doctor’s office.  I’m talking about finding life itself not only uninteresting but also purposeless.  I’m talking about what I call existential boredom.

You’re either someone who feels this (or has felt it) or not—much like you’re someone who either gets headaches or doesn’t.  Even if you’ve never felt it yourself, almost certainly you know someone who has (whether you realize it or not).  Existential boredom defines an inability to find not just particular things but all of life interesting.  It manifests itself as a mood in which, for no reason you can articulate, nothing seems to satisfy—even things that normally do.  When you find yourself flipping from Internet site to Internet site; picking up a book, reading a few pages, and then putting it back down; walking around your apartment or house in search of something to do but finding nothing to engage you.

Though anhedonia (the term psychiatrists use for the inability to derive pleasure from pleasurable activities) remains one of the hallmarks of clinical depression, it’s entirely possible to experience anhedonia from another cause:  a belief that life is meaningless.  If you feel strongly there’s no ultimate point to being here, it’s hard to feel purposeful about doing anything.  And it’s hard, if not impossible, to be interested in something you feel has no purpose.

There are two important things to note about boredom.  First, if something bores us, it’s not because that something is intrinsically uninteresting.  Nothing is intrinsically uninteresting.  One only need look to the example of children, who find everything interesting (and not just things that are new to them), to find proof of this.  Even sitting alone in a cell with only four walls at which to stare could be interesting depending on the angle of one’s mind.  I’m not saying long-term social isolation isn’t devastating to one’s ability to be happy; only that even without significant external stimulation, internal stimulation can serve as an effective substitute.  That is, there definitely exists a mindset in which all experience becomes interesting.  Second, what essentially makes an activity boring is our inability to see a purpose in it.  What determines our level of interest in an activity—even more so than how much pleasure it brings—is how meaningful it feels (if you talk to long-time heroin addicts, for example, many of them will say that that they spend most of their time in a state of extreme boredom).  And when you feel nothing has a purpose—when you find yourself vulnerable to the notion that life is meaningless—existential boredom sets in.  And it’s awful.

How, then, can we change our mindset so that the boring becomes interesting?  It begins with a recognition that every circumstance, every activity, contains within it the potential to yield value, either to us or to someone else.  If we insist on always being passively entertained by life, we’ll find ourselves bored by much of it.  On the other hand, if we can transform that expectation into a determination to make an effort to create value at every moment, we can begin to make even the most mundane experience interesting.

Waiting in line, we can strike up a conversation with someone waiting in line with us.  We can admire the architecture of the building in which we’re waiting, wonder why certain choices were made, imagine how we might have done it differently.  We can enjoy the challenge of driving a stick shift in stop-and-go traffic, honing our reaction times or aiming to improve our driving style to gain maximal gas mileage.  We can, in short, embrace whatever circumstances in which we find ourselves as infinitely interesting and purposeful.

I’m not suggesting we distract ourselves from boring activities with something we find more interesting, like surfing the Internet on our smart phones or reading a book.  Though there’s certainly nothing wrong with doing those things, they won’t necessarily teach us how to find the thing we’re doing at the moment more interesting.  They won’t necessarily help us cultivate a state of mind in which all of life becomes interesting.  Whenever I’m bored, I try to ask myself three questions:

  1. How can my current circumstances help me develop myself?
  2. How can my current circumstances help me contribute to the happiness of someone else?
  3. How would the wisest person on earth look at my current circumstances and what would he or she do in my stead?

Though I’m certainly not always successful, I firmly believe that if we practice looking for the hidden value in boring activities we will get better at finding it, and in doing so, expand our state of life, our own happiness, and the happiness of those around us.

Next WeekHow To Admit You’re Wrong

35 comments to Boredom

  • Ricki

    Thank you for this post. I deal with “existential boredom” often on my own and ponder (too) often whether life has meaning, or not. Today, thinking nostalgically about Christmases past, I realized that my parents and grandparents created the Christmases I now miss (passive entertainment). It dawned on my it is now MY turn to create for my children and grandchildren (create value). Your post tonight has reinforced this insight from earlier today.

  • Denise

    I too have found myself bored, primarily at my jobs. I am currently at that position in life—been doing similar work now for over 11 years. Excellent point in regard to not feeling purpose.

  • thquah

    Basically I don’t feel boredom, but when I face boredom, firstly I will polish my mirror by chanting nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

    I will always try to contribute to the happiness of someone else; at least give someone hope by dialoguing with the person (by sharing my experience that I have gone through in life).

  • Melodee Kornacker

    A wise teacher at the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland once suggested, “Pay attention to how you bore yourself.”

  • Emily

    I have heard a certain pop psychologist say “only boring people get bored” quite a few times. When I was younger I used to feel bored quite often, but it is very very rare for me to feel bored these days. Developing an interest in things is definitely a skill and I can’t help but roll my eyes at those who complain about their boredom when there is a rich world surrounding them.

  • A couple of thoughts. First, I have to strongly disagree with the pop psychologist who said “only boring people get bored.” There is no such thing as a “boring person.” Boring is in the eyes of the beholder! (Some people find baseball boring. Some people find it fascinatingly complex.)

    Second, I live in a relatively small town, one I had come to think of as boring, meaning I was bored living in it. Then I became chronically ill and was confined to my house for many years except for trips to the doctor. Recently, I’ve improved enough to go out on my own for an hour or two on some days, even driving my own car.

    Suddenly nothing is more interesting than this place I live. We still have railroad tracks running through the middle of town and nothing pleases me more than being stopped by a train (which I used to hate). I love the sight of the cars (and the graffiti) and the sound of steel on steel as it goes by. We have several round-abouts in town that everyone complains about because you have to slow down to get through them. I used to complain too. Now I love them; I feel like I’m driving at Disneyland’s utopia.

    All this is by way of saying that what you say is so true, Alex: we can create value at every moment and make the mundane interesting. To quote a cliché, but a good one (even metaphorically for non-believers like myself): God is in the details.

  • Janice

    Like Emily, I, too, used to feel bored a lot when I was young, but I had a lot of tragedy in my youth and it could have been depression. However, as a young adult, starting with my first full-time job, I made a conscious decision to really engage in any task I was given, and voila…my job became interesting. Lesson learned 50 years ago that my level of boredom was directly attributable to my attitude towards it. Of course, I experience situational boredom from time to time, but things like waiting in lines, traffic, etc., I find are opportunities to read a magazine, or call someone while the car’s not moving, like that. I can always entertain myself. People are fascinating as are many of the things they do and the beliefs they hold. If you really listen. So glad others feel the same.

  • For me, the presence or lack of “interest” seems slightly off—it’s more like a desire to feel something other than what I’m feeling, be somewhere other than where I am. I just want to escape my life, pretty much! I guess it’s that whole Eckhart Tolle/failure-to-live-in-the-moment issue. The things I REALLY want—I feel powerless over. So all the rest of the crap of life just feels so wasteful and pointless.

    I’m an existentialist at heart; there’s no escaping to religion or looking forward to the afterlife … I believe that heaven and hell are right here on earth. The only thing I find of real value is creating meaningful connections with other people. So I’m working my way back to THAT focus.

    downfromtheledge: The most telling thing to me in your comment was this: “…the things I REALLY want—I feel powerless over.” People give up on their dreams all the time because they see no possible path to them and develop a sense of learned helplessness about them that then colors the entirety of their life. We’re so arrogant in our belief that the landscape of possibilities we see represents the only landscape that exists (and please realize I don’t mean to be pejorative in using the term “arrogant”). One way out of what sounds like a serious malaise might be to take one small step a day toward what you REALLY want, even if you don’t really believe it will be effective. After enough time of daily small steps, you just might be surprised.

    Alex

  • I rarely experience boredom. I can hardly imagine it and empathize with people complaining about boredom. I have the belief that boredom arises when there is a total lack of curiosity.

    There are so many things to be found and learned in the world that I cannot even picture how one can get bored when have as his/her disposal a TV, books, paper & pen and a PC. And when that PC can get to the Internet, is really beyond my imagination how can people be affected by boredom, with so many stimuli around them.

  • Chris

    Alex, I am so grateful for this post! You have addressed many burning issues that I have—and then your respondents have addressed several more. Thanks, all!

    I agree that boredom must come from being raised in a culture where entertainment is always readily available. Not only that, the entitlement thread—that we somehow deserve the stimulation and entertainment coming to us from the outside . . . with little or no obligation to amuse oneself out of one’s inner resources. Entertainment and stimulation are baubles, deceptively shiny and misleading.

    After a longish life, I come to the conclusion that existential boredom creeps back in cycles. At this stage of my life, I find myself “greeting” existential boredom with a bit of internal prodding: Oh, if nothing exists here that causes a little spark inside me, then I must certainly create something. Corollary: I must cultivate my own creative spark in order to create that “something”. Corollary #2 says that I had better keep up my curiosity to learn new things/learn new “tricks.” Downside corollary: I sometimes suffer from keeping myself stirred up—I experience a threat to my peace.

    One thing that I might disagree with, Alex: the powerful effect of depression upon this motivation to look for meaning, to cultivate and create meaning. I think you are on to something, bringing depression into the discussion. It is not clear to me what the relationship between depression and boredom is—but I know there is a relationship. Would you consider doing a “Boredom Part II” where you talk about that relationship? Also, would you please make explicit the Buddhist principles that apply here? I find that I gravitate towards what I know of Buddhism, but I don’t know how to make these kinds of applications. Nor am I schooled in Buddhism—perhaps that is a goal to fend off boredom, in 2011.

    Thanks again. Sincerely.
    Chris Keller, MSN, RN

    Chris: Here goes: depression does create boredom, but I think that boredom is often “covered up” by the more salient features of depression, such as a depressed mood or fatigue. When you experience anhedonia (as I defined in the post), your desire to engage in life itself is muted, which creates a life state in which all experience feels boring (in contrast to a person who’s not depressed but encounters various circumstances and activities in her daily life she finds more or less interesting based on her own proclivities).

    In Buddhism, absolute happiness is the goal and is achieved by strengthening one’s inner life state. Relative happiness, in contrast, depends on one’s external circumstances. Both are important, but without the establishment of absolute happiness, one’s ability to enjoy one’s circumstances is entirely dependent on one’s circumstances remaining favorable (which, of course, never happens). A person who is absolutely happy will never find life boring as her ability to create value will never be cut off. If your happiness (and therefore good mood and therefore ability to be interested in life moment by moment) depends entirely on having good things happen to you, life will at times feel flat and uninteresting (this, obviously, is how most people experience it). A Buddhist, however, isn’t so much focused on keeping life interesting as much as cultivating a state of absolute happiness in herself and others. An interesting life is simply a wonderful fringe benefit.

    I hope that was more clarifying than confusing. It’s really a large topic.

    Alex

  • John

    This is rich subject matter for me. As someone who historically finds interest in almost everything (usually driven from my nasty habit of seeking perfection) I historically haven’t been bored in my life.

    However these days just about everything seems so rehashed to me and sometimes not worthy of my own effort to participate in it or even apply serious thought to it. Certainly any effort I extend will not solve the anxiety I feel about these things.

    I find that I really relate to “existential boredom” these days. Thanks for the phrase. I didn’t know what to call it before this. I wonder if it’s a part of the aging process…the understanding that the human condition will be as it has always been. Individual effort means so little.

    I’m pretty sure that we are just here to procreate to expand the species, just like ants and all other life forms fight to do. Unlike the ants though, we haven’t figured out to keep from fighting between ourselves…never will either. There is little unity in humanity.

    I try to think about the joy I’ve felt in the past and the little joys I look for in my day to day. So far it’s been enough to keep the candle lit but it does little to feed any new interest.

    I’m not quite happy with the picture I’ve painted with my life, though it hasn’t been for lack of effort. I just don’t seem to have the tools to fix it.

    John: I don’t agree we’re here only to procreate and expand the species. The major difference between humans and ants is that humans are acutely aware of their experience of pain and therefore suffer over it. I believe our ultimate purpose as human beings is to become happy, which requires us to both reach for joy and ameliorate suffering, both our own and that of others. There will never be a lack of misery on the planet; therefore, there will never be a lack of value we can create. Perhaps rather than focus on your own existential boredom and the past joys you’ve felt, you might find it reinvigorating to focus on alleviating the suffering you find around you. The main thrust of my post was that seeking to create value for others generates an interesting life like nothing else.

    Alex

  • Kelly

    Thanks for the post. As someone who has suffered with depression throughout much of her life, and since overcome it, I can tell you that existential boredom is absolutely tied to depression. I would even go so far as to argue that one does not occur without the other, or that they are at least partly one in the same. Someone who is existentially bored is also likely to become quite depressed. Conversely, because of a depression, it becomes impossible to SEE any meaning. I think it’s a chicken/egg scenario.

    You seem to imply (3rd paragraph) that a “belief that life is meaningless” can be simply an intellectual belief. However, there is no incontestable truth to this belief; one can choose to believe it or not. The idea that “life is meaningless” is not a truth that exists independently outside one’s mental state. Thus it is subject to be influenced by our mental state (and our choices around our mental state). This is shown by prisoners of war and others who are in impossible situations but still manage to find purpose in breathing and sometimes still a love for all around them.

    One key to getting out of either/both of depression and existential boredom is to CREATE meaning as you mentioned. Someone in the grips of either will not see the point in doing so, but if they can muster up the drive to make a choice to take small steps toward creating meaning, they will begin to slowly rise out of it.

    I make a conscious choice every single day.

    Thanks again for your posts!

  • [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Richard Harris, Greg Smith MD. Greg Smith MD said: Boredom « Happiness in this World http://t.co/fwC3p28 via @AlexLickerman. Thanks to @PracticalWisdom for pointing me to this one. [...]

  • Julia

    You know, I think I enjoy reading the comments as much as the blog itself. I’m curious, Alex. Why do you believe it is our ultimate purpose to become happy, and what led you to that conclusion?

    Thanks again for such a wonderful blog. :D

    Julia: This blog does seem to have an unusually intelligent and articulate readership, doesn’t it? As for why I believe it’s our ultimate purpose to become happy—well. That’s such a big, important topic that it forms an entire chapter of a book I currently have out on submission to publishers. If it gets bought, I’ll let you know!

    Alex

  • Jeann

    I echo Kelly’s comment about finding meaning every day. There are two energies that work for me almost all the time, when I harness them consciously: one is feeling gratitude and the other is giving, which amounts to thinking of someone else and doing something in that direction. Even a little email to a friend just to say hello and let them know I am thinking of them…for me, it can be magic—to lift and transform me.

  • Mayura

    The value and resonance I feel with this post I cannot even express fully here. The comments are a bonus.

    Existential DESPAIR is what I have decided *I* feel. I am not bored at all. If not something outside then my own thoughts are very engaging to me. I don’t know if I am depressed enough for the despair to result from the depression?

    Mayura: In general, when I hear “despair” I think depression. People are often more depressed than they realize. May I suggest you visit your doctor to discuss what you’re feeling?

    Alex

  • Connor

    While this post resonates with truth and sound reasoning, after reading it I still feel as though Alex is addressing the symptoms and not the illness. Through his method of finding hidden value, Alex has only temporarily staved off the pressing and all-consuming concept that is inherent meaning. Does life have inherent meaning? I certainly have found none, and no matter how you approach it subjectively, objectively you will find no answers. Life does not seem to be a grand design, religious or spiritual—instead, it is a mechanical process that occurs only because probability lets it.

    I provide no answers and ask only questions. I applaud Mr. Lickerman for his solution to existential boredom, but I can’t help but feel as if we are adrift in a confusing Universe with no set of instructions.

    Connor: Whether or not life is inherently meaningful remains one of the great questions. I attempt to give an answer, as I mentioned above, in a book I have out on submission to publishers. With any luck, it will be picked up and then you can read about my ideas in detail there.

    Alex

  • Connor

    Alex,

    There is no need to write a book because you’ll find no answers. Absurdism is the philosophical school of thought stating that the efforts of man to find any true meaning will ultimately fail (and therefore are “absurd”), because no such meaning exists. While I find this idea repulsive, every day I feel like I’m pushed closer and closer to it. Like Sisyphus, every day humans push the metaphorical boulder (in this context it represents the search for meaning) up the hill, only to see it fall to the bottom. I feel as though humanity has reached a point at which it can not be defined by what it means or is, but instead only by what it seeks.

    I’m sorry to clog up your comment section with pointless nihilistic arguments. I just needed to get that across.

  • Jeann

    It is my opinion that life has the meaning we give it. That it’s entirely up to us and what we choose. If we want a life of love and goodness and truth and beauty—that’s what life will reveal. If we want a life of no meaning, that’s how it will seem. I do believe it is our choice and reality lines up as we align our beliefs and attitudes, expectations and desires. Cultivating this view is a life’s work for me. I find it a lot more fun and a lot more hopeful—and a lot more loving—to live this way, to believe it’s all about letting in the Love.

  • [...] first, from an emotional, Buddhist perspective, and the second, from the productive academic’s perspective. Both emphasize being [...]

  • Mary Carlisle

    His book has already been written, Connor, and he’s looking for publishers. There must be something to what he’s written or it wouldn’t have come this far. I’m looking forward to reading it.

    I can’t imagine finding anything in my life boring at this point, and probably never will. I love my life and the people in it! When I make an effort to really live in the moment I notice the little things and when life is magnified it’s interesting from moment to moment, even my cat licking her paws and washing her face is amusing!

    Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas Alex & Rhea!

    Mary: You go, girl! Give Lucy hugs from Magic and Boo!

    Alex

  • Angela

    Wow. Wonderful post; I also appreciate the comments and your attention to them, it is a wonderful habit. I too suffer from existential boredom, though I feel that I am a bit unique; you see, I have found the meaning and purpose of life and it is this discovery that I have stumbled upon this boredom that you speak of.

    I am a follower of Christ and in my young years (I am below 30), I have fully understood the fruitlessness of life on earth when lived for oneself. Yet it is still a struggle to resist the pull of the things that satisfy my desire for stimulation for a moment, as it is almost an innate reaction to escape this feeling of boredom. As a result, boredom as well as sub-clinical depression set in from time to time as I suffer this state of being.

    However, I have also been able to find joy on this earth; my joy it is to be a servant of Christ and I seek to live as he lived by following his teachings daily.

    However, I also feel that these distressing sensations are part of being a follower of Christ as it is an individually determined life, and one must embark with the understanding that separation from others is key when seeking a relationship with God & Christ. It is also hard being an observer of other’s suffering, as well as their rebellion/stubbornness that brings about their suffering. The arrogance that you speak of is so destructive, as we all have a tendency to accept the thought that our own mind is all knowing.

    God is also wonderfully kind in calling me to this life, as I have countless brothers and sisters who have all embarked on this calling, and it is among these who demonstrate an interest in this life that I am able to find immense joy in sharing the simple truth of Christ. It is through this weekly experience that my purpose is solidified and this boredom and pain is worth it.

    I certainly agree that in helping others we are able to relieve ourselves, as living for others is an essential teaching of Christ. However, for this to be sustained and truly satisfying, I believe that it needs to be tied to a purpose; otherwise, it will merely be a selfish effort to self-soothe.

    I feel grateful that I have discovered something that is truly self-satisfying; I have a deep compassion for those who are locked in circular theories that cause them to conclude that life is meaningless. I too have suffered from such thoughts, and I have discovered that their only purpose is to deprive us of hope. I would challenge others to discard such thinking that serves only to prevent growth and to keep searching; the mind is wonderful at discovering when it is stretched to believe that more is out there.

  • tom williams

    Alex, thanks for your blog. It is inspirational, comforting, thought provoking.

    Query: in my 60′s, after a lifetime of caregiving to others, and getting banged around a bit—I am finally well enough to wondering about “getting a life”—wondering about what I want to do with my life, how I want to live it—rather than just be in reactive mode (to others, circumstances).

    Can you recommend some reading (in layman terms), other blogs, sites where one can join others in meaningfully exploring how to get started about self determining such journey?

    Tom

    Tom: This may not be what you had in mind, but I would recommend this.

    Alex

  • anron

    Alex, I must say that this discussion you create with your posts is awesome.

    For some years now I was (out of boredom?:-)) thinking about and investigating what is self. Recently I realized that what describes my findings best (apart from Erich Fromm’s books, but they don’t go so deep) is parts of Mahayana Buddhism philosophy. Maybe I miss-interpreted them, but it matches my own observations.

    It short they say that there is no entity to be called self. Body is not self, feelings are not self and even mind is not self. By seeking non-judgmental answers to questions like How is body (not my body) right now? What are the feelings (not my feelings) right now? and How is the mind (not my mind) right now? one can observe this fact.

    You can literally observe how thoughts pops up in your mind and cease to exist moments later or even notice brief periods without any thoughts at all. How feelings of anger/anxiety/happiness… arise as a reaction to some events build itself up and then slowly fades. How tense are some of your muscles even though they are unused right now.

    Maybe counter-intuitively, this elevates your feeling that you “truly” live. It allows you to “enjoy” more intense moods, feelings and body awareness, because you no longer cling to pleasurable sensations and dread sadness and unhappiness. Because they are not yours, you don’t need to be so emotionally attached to them. In my mind, this is liberation.

    If interested, you can find detailed description for example here: http://www.dhagpo-kagyu.org/anglais/science-esprit/chemin/medit/etat_esprit/mindfullness2.htm

  • Buddhism and absolute happiness? “After the ecstasy, the laundry.” Of course that is not my original thought and even Buddha had to deal with some devil god every so often like Jesus in the desert. If you are absolutely happy all the time I dare say there is something wrong with you too.

    Humans are not the only ones acutely aware of suffering and pain. They have “proved” that with fish and fishhooks. How far down the species chain do you want to go before you are sure that a squiggling creature being stepped on is not in pain and doesn’t know it? And if my ultimate purpose is to be happy that sounds selfish to me.

    I must be fortunate to only be pleasantly bored. I can sit and look out the window and the world goes from 3 to 3:15 PM and I think, well that was time well spent even though I didn’t invent a cure for cancer or world peace.

    And along with Connor I would agree that life does not have inherent meaning unless you agree that the tiger and the bunny rabbits’ life have inherent meaning. You can’t have one without the other. Or else it is just your ego working and your lack of ability to find peace in life as it is.

    Obviously I enjoy the responses to your post as much as the post. Thanks.

    David: My definition of absolute happiness doesn’t include only feeling joy. I envision a life state of such supreme confidence and power that one could remain happy even in the face of sadness (the opposite of happiness being not sadness but suffering). I don’t think aiming at happiness as our ultimate purpose is selfish at all. To become absolutely happy we must simultaneously care and work toward the absolute happiness of others (studies are beginning to demonstrate just how strongly we all affect everyone else around us in this way). Finally, I don’t think of pain and suffering as the same things. Pain an invertebrate can feel. Suffering, in my mind, represents an emotional experience only higher order vertebrates with some degree of self-awareness can experience (which may include dolphins and dogs, for all I know, but certainly not fish).

    Alex

  • Humm. I think we are having a bit of a semantics problem or thoughts or responses to different meanings for the same words. What am I trying to say? We have different interpretations of the same word. I guess I don’t see the opposite of happiness as suffering.

    When I am sad or really probably mildly depressed over life, if I stop and metaphorically grab myself by my boot straps I realize I am over reacting to things and in perspective to life for all I am really quite happy. I know I am not enlightened but really if I just stop and think I am always happy.

    I suppose Buddha had the same vocabulary problems. I like your articles because they make me think and I do enjoy that.

  • Ecyoj

    I really enjoy this blog. Alex, your writing is clear, concise, intelligent and very thought provoking. To be honest, I always keep a dictionary close and I refer to it when I’m uncertain of the “exact” meaning of a particular word. However, I have never enjoyed researching definitions more than I do now, reading your posts. I love your use of the language and the clarity in which you write.

    I can relate to this subject as I am existentially bored! I want to consider your notions about boredom. I want to change. Having said that, I have failed at change in the past, realizing that change is DIFFICULT. But, my mind is still open to the idea that change is possible.

    Thank you.

    Ecyoj: Glad you’re enjoying my posts. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

    Alex

  • Reader

    I do not blame my mum or dad for my existence nor do I thank God for my life. I too have existential boredom & I am so glad I am not the only one. I’m sick of this world at only 24. I dislike the human race & all it has become/existence, in my mind I picture a day where all of mankind goes on strike from life itself, to stop and fade away—what would God do should God be true—would God just start again, this time without two particular trees. Though in my heart I know that what I picture in my mind will not come to pass. Maybe I’m just bored of what this planet has to offer or though I feel that no matter where our race goes my race’s murderous mind will stay the same. Going back to my vision I see in my head, I’m 99% sure that outcome will never be … therefore I long for death because to die along with my/our race or to die alone would be the end of my existence either way but as sick as it may sound I stay alive because of that 1%—the thought that mankind will all at the same time be overcome by the amount of boredom I have for existence. To end…I trap myself, to me and this is what I only may believe…existence shouldn’t exist.

  • Angela

    Reader, you are very confused! Untie yourself.

  • JK

    Hey Reader,

    About 3 years ago I felt very much the same way you do. Though now, I see the world very differently (and not as darkly). If you haven’t yet, I’d recommend finding a good psychologist to work with. It’s crazy the things a good PsyD can point out.

    Often, it doesn’t seem as though there is much to encourage existence, but I’ve found it is usually a problem with where one focuses their attention.

    Best Wishes,

    J

  • Reader

    I had lost my sister, one of the true smiles in my life in 2010; my birthday was 12 days later. Boredom and sadness, it is funny in a way how when feeling trapped one can become so selfish. I am sorry, was bored not of Life just of mine. Thank you for your words; at the time only Anger was my ruler.

  • JK

    Hey Reader,

    I’m sorry about your sister. That is really awful. Are you feeling better than you did earlier this year?

    Hugs,

    J

  • Kelly

    I’m sorry to hear about your sister as well. I hope things are beginning to look up for you now as I know they will with time. Please hang in there.
    With love,
    Kelly

  • Reader

    Yeah,through her death she made me understand that one life that is all you get. She died on New Years Day so yes my birthday is on the 13th. I was 23 in 2010, she was only 16. Her name was Jessica, she sang like… what she is now, an angel. A car crash caused her death, one of her best friends killed her; her friend was still learning to drive. The crash broke my sisters neck (quick death, they say). My mother got the call to go the other way home from Dad, yet she didn’t. I didn’t get out of the car though I was the first child at the death site…that day in my mind forever.

  • JK

    That is so unfair. I had a friend killed in a car accident when I was in college. It is such an unreal thing. One minute you’re talking to someone and making plans, the next thing they are gone.

    Well, I’m sure you’ve heard this a hundred times; but, I’m so very sorry you’ve had to go through that.

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