Comments on: Why We Don’t Know Better http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2010/02/07/why-we-dont-know-better/ Reflections of a Buddhist Physician Thu, 09 Sep 2010 16:02:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Gittle http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2010/02/07/why-we-dont-know-better/#comment-4112 Gittle Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:40:19 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=4552#comment-4112 Thank you for this insight and thank you, Liana. You have reminded me of my role as mother...to be a listener rather than a constant advisor. My daughter is unfortunately going through a very unhappy breakup of a more than 25 year relationship. With two teen age daughters at home, being in the company of great dissension. Although thousands of miles separate us...she has been speaking to me almost daily and I have been "freely" giving both advice and comments on her responsibilities etc. Reading this wonderful reminder...has made be re-think the role I have "allowed" myself to play. While I have been instrumental in convincing my daughter to get professional help, (having had many years of therapy myself) I realize that her need to share and my need to advise, are perhaps more a hindrance than a help. These comments have opened my mind to reconsider the role of parent/friend and to be more cautious in my responses. Everyday I learn something. Sometimes, it is simply "re-learning" and applying what I already knew, but had forgotten how to use the information in the positive way. Thank you again. Thank you for this insight and thank you, Liana. You have reminded me of my role as mother…to be a listener rather than a constant advisor. My daughter is unfortunately going through a very unhappy breakup of a more than 25 year relationship. With two teen age daughters at home, being in the company of great dissension.

Although thousands of miles separate us…she has been speaking to me almost daily and I have been “freely” giving both advice and comments on her responsibilities etc. Reading this wonderful reminder…has made be re-think the role I have “allowed” myself to play.

While I have been instrumental in convincing my daughter to get professional help, (having had many years of therapy myself) I realize that her need to share and my need to advise, are perhaps more a hindrance than a help. These comments have opened my mind to reconsider the role of parent/friend and to be more cautious in my responses. Everyday I learn something. Sometimes, it is simply “re-learning” and applying what I already knew, but had forgotten how to use the information in the positive way.

Thank you again.

]]> By: Dewey Adkins http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2010/02/07/why-we-dont-know-better/#comment-3939 Dewey Adkins Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:25:40 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=4552#comment-3939 Alex, I don't know how you find time to maintain this blog, to offer this dialogue, but good for you and thank you for doing it. I think it is a very valuable offering to your community. Thank you. Dewey <blockquote><em><strong>Dewey</strong>: I really appreciate you saying so. Alex</em></blockquote> Alex,
I don’t know how you find time to maintain this blog, to offer this dialogue, but good for you and thank you for doing it. I think it is a very valuable offering to your community. Thank you.

Dewey

Dewey: I really appreciate you saying so.

Alex

]]> By: Mary Ellen http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2010/02/07/why-we-dont-know-better/#comment-3925 Mary Ellen Tue, 16 Feb 2010 06:18:13 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=4552#comment-3925 I side with Mike. For me, it is very clear cut that I should never encourage someone to divorce. It's very easy to speak negatively. It's hard to be encouraging. It's very easy to give up on a relationship. It's hard to work on a relationship during difficult times. I wouldn't encourage someone in an abusive relationship to stick with it, but that has rarely been the case with my friends. I was in a relationship that was very unhappy and a friend encouraged me to break it up. In the end, I believe my former boyfriend and I are happier apart, but I also determined that I never want to be the person giving advice to break up. That being said, I don't think that I have an equivalent moral obligation to withhold my opinions about OJ Simpson or health care in America. But can I then complain that the political climate in America is so divisive that we can never accomplish anything? I side with Mike. For me, it is very clear cut that I should never encourage someone to divorce. It’s very easy to speak negatively. It’s hard to be encouraging. It’s very easy to give up on a relationship. It’s hard to work on a relationship during difficult times. I wouldn’t encourage someone in an abusive relationship to stick with it, but that has rarely been the case with my friends.

I was in a relationship that was very unhappy and a friend encouraged me to break it up. In the end, I believe my former boyfriend and I are happier apart, but I also determined that I never want to be the person giving advice to break up.

That being said, I don’t think that I have an equivalent moral obligation to withhold my opinions about OJ Simpson or health care in America. But can I then complain that the political climate in America is so divisive that we can never accomplish anything?

]]> By: cb http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2010/02/07/why-we-dont-know-better/#comment-3879 cb Sun, 14 Feb 2010 22:45:37 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=4552#comment-3879 I gave some college advice to my younger brother a few years back, and just recently we had a candid conversation where he told me he let me spout my advice because he figured I needed to. He's a good brother. I gave some college advice to my younger brother a few years back, and just recently we had a candid conversation where he told me he let me spout my advice because he figured I needed to. He’s a good brother.

]]> By: Marie http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2010/02/07/why-we-dont-know-better/#comment-3791 Marie Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:16:48 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=4552#comment-3791 A wonderful reminder of the importance of compassionate listening and circumspect responses. It took me a long time to absorb this lesson and I have to almost constantly bite my tongue still. Because I don't just think I know what is best for people, I KNOW I know what's best for people. lol. It was many years before I learned the value of keeping my mouth shut. I hope it makes me a better friend, or at least a safer one. A wonderful reminder of the importance of compassionate listening and circumspect responses.

It took me a long time to absorb this lesson and I have to almost constantly bite my tongue still. Because I don’t just think I know what is best for people, I KNOW I know what’s best for people. lol. It was many years before I learned the value of keeping my mouth shut. I hope it makes me a better friend, or at least a safer one.

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