He came in, gave me a small shot, and waited five minutes. He started pulling and I let out a squeal. “Pain or pressure?” he asked. “PAIN!” I answered. “Are you SURE it’s not just pressure?” “Yes, quite sure.”

He gave me another small shot and we waited five minutes. He came in, gave a big YANK and I let out a blood curdling scream. “Now you’re overreacting. That’s just pressure.” he told me. “NO!!! PAIN!” I answered. He actually got angry with me at this point and said, “I’ll give you ONE more shot but if that doesn’t work, I don’t know WHAT to tell you …”

So at this point, he gives me a LARGE shot of Novocaine. He leaves the room and I start SOBBING. I am shaking all over and a nurse comes to me and comforts me and says, “It’s okay … it’s not just you. He’s not good with people.”

So he comes back in. I’m STILL shaking and tears are running down my face and he doesn’t even acknowledge it.

I felt him moving around in my mouth. I was waiting for another painful pull. And the next thing I know, they’re pulling the tray away and they’re done. As he walked out the door, he said, “Looks like there was a nerve wrapped around the tooth. You’re done.”

They had me lay down in a waiting area and I went into shock. I was shaking and shivering and couldn’t stop crying. My husband came back and thought something catastrophic had happened. To this DAY, I blame the doctor. Why get angry over a patient’s pain? I would’ve accepted that I was being a baby about it but the “big” shot of Novocaine wiped out ALL pain … and then he tells me there was a nerve wrapped around?!

Anyhow, my point is that I’m agreeing with you … be honest and upfront about what to expect. They came at me with “This is nothing. A little pressure.” Give me the worst case scenario and then I’ll be pleasantly surprised if it’s better. By NOT preparing me, I went into shock.

I can’t imagine going through that with birth.

TW: Sounds like it was a truly awful experience.

Alex

Alex, I actually felt like I managed the pain better the first time around because I was so caught up into having a drug-free delivery—remember those days? Epidurals hadn’t been invented yet. If they had, I would have demanded six. At least. But I did feel like an athlete for the first time ever in my clumsy, bookwormy, girls-don’t-play-sports life. I was just amazed at what my body could do. I grew those big babies and then I fed them too. I gained tremendous strength & insight from their births.

But with the second one, everything went wrong that could go wrong (failed non-stress test, immediate induction—I vote we remove Pitocin from the market immediately unless it is mixed with some tremendous painkiller because it sure does make it more intense), fetal distress at the end, crash carts all over the place, but all’s well that ends well. I went into birth #2 with the assumption that since I had a 3-year-old ten-pounder at home, baby #2 would just slide out, like at a playground. NO such luck. I guess after 3 years your cervix goes back to ground zero or something. Also, for baby #2, I had to stay up all night and this is never good for pregnant people. I was so exhausted.

Nina, God bless you for the work you do. I sat for days and watched my mother die. But I made sure she had no unnecessary interventions. When it’s time, it’s time.

And listen, Alex: Your mother is right. Wait till that precious baby turns 16! Your days of sleeping thru the night are O-V-E-R again! At least when he’s in the next room screaming, you know where he is. Oh wait….sometimes they do that at 16 too, or they just have music that sounds like constant insane screeching. Just like we did.

Like many people, Rhea and you discovered that an epidural during birth is no guarantee of an easier or pain-free birth. I encourage you and your readers to check out http://www.hypnobirthing.com if you are interested in learning about a completely different approach to birth that enables many women to enjoy a beautiful, gentle birth without medication or intervention.

As you point out in this post, our mind’s expectation of an event can have a very powerful effect on our experience of that event.

Gentle birth is not simply a refusal to use drugs or an effort to “cope” with the labor. As the HypnoBirthing website notes, “in the absence of fear and tension, or special medical circumstances, severe pain does not have to be an accompaniment of labor.” By learning and practicing deep relaxation and using affirmations and other methods to condition our minds to a different expectation of the birth experience, many women can birth “in an atmosphere of calm relaxation, free of the fear that prevents the muscles of [their] body from functioning as nature intended them to. In this calm state, [their] body’s natural relaxant, endorphins, replace the stress hormones that constrict and cause pain.”

I write this not to invalidate the experience that many women have had of pain in labor, but to encourage more people to investigate another way of approaching their birth. As a woman who has had two babies without medication, and as a birth companion and midwife who has attended many births, I can tell you that gentle birth exists as a reality, and is worth pursuing. The typical approach of our society to birth, including that of most traditional childbirth classes, doctors and hospitals, doesn’t make it easy, however. If you keep an open mind as you read more about HypnoBirthing, you may be surprised at how logical and simple it really is.

Thank you for your posts.