If I receive feedback that’s not so good, it still takes me a moment to process the sting of it, but now I’m always able to do so without reacting and 9 times out of 10 I agree with it, but it may have been something I didn’t want to admit.

If I have to give feedback I always try to make sure I’m coming from love and sincerity. I chose my words carefully but don’t walk on egg shells, and I know the delivery is really important. If I see someone’s progress I make it a point to congratulate them, like Zara’s realization of why she reacted with aggression to this post at first, a lot of people wouldn’t even take the time to think about that. I think standing outside yourself and observing yourself is sometimes very hard, but worth it.

Thanks for another thought provoking post, Alex; with your sincerity and compassion you have developed trust amongst your readers.

Thank you very much for 1) answering my “angry” piece and 2) for adding that little detail that you did ask that medical student for reasons behind her poor performance. I guess I should apologize if my response sounded too aggressive. My reaction was provoked by my past experiences with people who were not able to give feedback successfully because…because I guess they had no insight into the complexity of somebody’s performance, and they merely imposed their opinion without taking feedback from the person whom they criticized. Thanks to your post I can now see a better picture of someone who tries to give genuine feedback with the aim at a common goal.

Zara: No apology necessary. Giving feedback well really is hard. Having given it to students and residents for 15 years I can attest to how awkward it can be to have to point out someone’s deficiencies. Most of my colleagues want to say nice things but sometimes when deficiencies glare more brightly than strengths often blurt out their feedback insensitively. No doubt many people really don’t care if their criticisms hurt others but sometimes that hurt is created unintentionally by a simple deficiency of skill.

Alex

It led to good discussion about the importance of listening and asking good questions.

Thanks again, Alex.

Kevin: Glad you found it useful.

Alex