Such an interesting post to read this morning, Alex. Timely too. I was asked to speak to a student about her disruptive behavior in the classroom. She’s a mature student studying nursing. Defensive, obstinate, intimidating, she is a bully both with the instructors and with some of her fellow classmates. Wouldn’t she be the perfect person to be implementing a catheterizing procedure!?

I was not surprised when I was approached to intervene with her. I’ve had a few conversations with her since classes began and I’ve observed her interactions and body language outside of the classroom. I know some of her background. Nothing has come easy for her…surprisingly. She’s stuck in a self-destructive pattern that I believe she used in the past for meeting her survival needs.

This woman is a leader under all the blustery, bullying bravado. I can see that. Sadly, her instructors and her classmates find her a huge pain in the ass and a big negative influence. She’s also a wounded soul who needs to feel unconditional love but has put up the defenses so strongly that she blows everyone away who would ever dare get close to her. Best defense is a good offense gone awry. She is caught up in her own dance of anger. (good book, Dance of Anger…have you read it?)

This weekend, I’ve been contemplating how to approach her tomorrow after I have a chance to just talk and feel her out a bit to see where she is at emotionally. My gut tells me to find a way through the conversation maze to bring up the whole topic of leadership…and to point out the qualities I see that are getting lost in her personal crap and her heavy handedness. If I can do this (and it means LEADING from my torso!!! Thank you for that analogy…) then I hope I can lead this woman to an epiphany moment.

I want to be there when the little PLING of the Faerie dust happens.

Take care. And always remember to dance like nobody’s watching.

Dana: Best of luck with your student. With someone as insightful and compassionate as you, she has a real chance. People always know real compassion when they see it, and even if they appear resistant on the surface, in their hearts are always warmed.

Alex

I love what your dance teacher told you about not worrying about where to lead your partner but rather to worry about where it is you want to move yourself. That, I must say, has been instrumental in my life these past several months. When I made the decision to move myself forward and focus on where I needed to be, that’s when things began to improve in my life, especially in my relationships. And, it wasn’t so much a selfish act of putting focus on myself…it was more about taking the focus off of everything and everyone else. What started out for me as an act of becoming more independent by having a job and a little income of my own, actually turned out to be so much more than that.

Part of the ephiphany was that I am in the process of becoming independent in every sense of the word: not controlled by others. I found that when I tried to control every situation and every person around me what I was actually doing was giving up control of myself and allowing myself to become dependent. The other part of the ephiphany is that when I move through the world in an independent manner, I remember who I am and I can feel her at the very core of my being some days.

It’s a process. Not done yet, but a work-in-progress.