Comments on: How To Manage Anger http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/10/04/how-to-manage-anger/ Reflections of a Buddhist Physician Thu, 09 Sep 2010 16:02:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: How To Forgive Others « Happiness in this World http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/10/04/how-to-manage-anger/#comment-7695 How To Forgive Others « Happiness in this World Sun, 06 Jun 2010 12:11:47 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=3851#comment-7695 [...] often reluctant to let go of our anger.  As I argued in a previous post, How To Manage Anger, the second of the four main reasons people get angry is to achieve or regain control.  If we [...] [...] often reluctant to let go of our anger.  As I argued in a previous post, How To Manage Anger, the second of the four main reasons people get angry is to achieve or regain control.  If we [...]

]]> By: How to respond to anger http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/10/04/how-to-manage-anger/#comment-1984 How to respond to anger Mon, 16 Nov 2009 06:53:17 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=3851#comment-1984 [...] The point offered here useful for marital situations is this: HOW TO DIFFUSE ANGER IN OTHERS [...] [...] The point offered here useful for marital situations is this: HOW TO DIFFUSE ANGER IN OTHERS [...]

]]> By: Linda Davis http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/10/04/how-to-manage-anger/#comment-1550 Linda Davis Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:11:25 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=3851#comment-1550 Very helpful article. Thanks for posting this, Alex. One way to diffuse your anger is to discover the underlying causes of it. If you listen to the causes of your anger, it'd be easier for you to rationalize your emotions in a calmer way. You should pay attention to the first signs of anger so you'll be able to get hold of your emotions. Very helpful article. Thanks for posting this, Alex. One way to diffuse your anger is to discover the underlying causes of it. If you listen to the causes of your anger, it’d be easier for you to rationalize your emotions in a calmer way. You should pay attention to the first signs of anger so you’ll be able to get hold of your emotions.

]]> By: kim http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/10/04/how-to-manage-anger/#comment-1492 kim Sun, 18 Oct 2009 08:06:58 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=3851#comment-1492 So many of these posts say more about the writers and their own *fear* of anger than about the emotion itself. Some of these posters are almost prudish. Anger is a life force, like creativity and sex. It can be generative or destructive, like nature. Something is wrong with you if you're unable to feel anger in a simple and clear way. Obviously the lymphoma patient was excessive, but I disagree that he needed to be cured of a capacity to feel anger altogether. Having a polite, rational debate with someone is not anger. As I read Alex's post, I couldn't help thinking of his previous post, "Breaking Free Of The Past." Perhaps you have your own un-examined discomfort with anger, doctor. Might I gently suggest looking for your anger in the circumstances of your previous post? <blockquote><em><strong>Kim</strong>: As I tried to express in the post, I agree that anger in itself can either be destructive or constructive, depending on how it's expressed and why. I didn't mean to imply my patient needed to be cured of his capacity to feel anger altogether but rather of the destructive and controlling way he expressed it. Alex</em></blockquote> So many of these posts say more about the writers and their own *fear* of anger than about the emotion itself. Some of these posters are almost prudish.

Anger is a life force, like creativity and sex. It can be generative or destructive, like nature. Something is wrong with you if you’re unable to feel anger in a simple and clear way. Obviously the lymphoma patient was excessive, but I disagree that he needed to be cured of a capacity to feel anger altogether. Having a polite, rational debate with someone is not anger.

As I read Alex’s post, I couldn’t help thinking of his previous post, “Breaking Free Of The Past.” Perhaps you have your own un-examined discomfort with anger, doctor. Might I gently suggest looking for your anger in the circumstances of your previous post?

Kim: As I tried to express in the post, I agree that anger in itself can either be destructive or constructive, depending on how it’s expressed and why. I didn’t mean to imply my patient needed to be cured of his capacity to feel anger altogether but rather of the destructive and controlling way he expressed it.

Alex

]]> By: RG http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/10/04/how-to-manage-anger/#comment-1457 RG Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:28:34 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=3851#comment-1457 "...but having fully apprehended its cause, his anger never again intimidated me." I thought this comment was worth pulling out because I missed it the first time. I'm noticing that I have a fatal flaw in relationships, which is of burying my anger. I exercise, I look at art, I distract myself. The clouds clear. I find a zen about it. And the other side is somewhat aware that they've stifled dissent. And then it happens again—incident, anger, recovery. Without changing anything. I don't make a conscious decision to accept their foibles, they don't acknowledge my feelings and state an interest in changing if I give them time. Or, even if I do say something to the effect of "well, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree," the other person isn't quite there. It enters that land of crazy of doing the same thing and expecting different results. “…but having fully apprehended its cause, his anger never again intimidated me.” I thought this comment was worth pulling out because I missed it the first time.

I’m noticing that I have a fatal flaw in relationships, which is of burying my anger. I exercise, I look at art, I distract myself. The clouds clear. I find a zen about it. And the other side is somewhat aware that they’ve stifled dissent. And then it happens again—incident, anger, recovery. Without changing anything. I don’t make a conscious decision to accept their foibles, they don’t acknowledge my feelings and state an interest in changing if I give them time. Or, even if I do say something to the effect of “well, I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree,” the other person isn’t quite there. It enters that land of crazy of doing the same thing and expecting different results.

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