Comments on: The True Cause Of Cruelty http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/07/19/the-true-cause-of-cruelty/ Reflections of a Buddhist Physician Mon, 06 Feb 2012 22:49:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Lisa http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/07/19/the-true-cause-of-cruelty/#comment-62933 Lisa Mon, 19 Sep 2011 02:14:56 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2860#comment-62933 Just reading through some old posts and thought I'd add the unusual book <em>Heart Transplant</em> by Andrew Vachss to the discussion. A former social worker, it is Vachss' contention that most societal ills stem from our propensity to bully, and it is that tendency which needs pruning. I could not agree more. Just reading through some old posts and thought I’d add the unusual book Heart Transplant by Andrew Vachss to the discussion. A former social worker, it is Vachss’ contention that most societal ills stem from our propensity to bully, and it is that tendency which needs pruning.

I could not agree more.

]]> By: katie http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/07/19/the-true-cause-of-cruelty/#comment-61754 katie Mon, 18 Jul 2011 04:28:49 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2860#comment-61754 Sorry, I got so lost in the memory of myself and how ugly I felt i forgot what I started to write. The connection between feeling like an outsider and empathy. Because I do have a great deal of empathy for others—which hasn't always been the best thing for me either. I came to the defense of someone being "talked about" loud enough so the target hears but it's all said like no one knows she hears, not sure why people do that but anyway, I felt compelled to suggest merely "Why don't you leave her alone?" It was a question and a suggestion, not yelled and not in a threatening manner. Within seconds I was thrown to the floor of the bus and punched and beaten and my things were stolen from me and the bus driver threw me off for being a troublemaker. So though I have, most often, a great deal of empathy, its not been in my best interests to be. I say MOST OFTEN I have empathy because I'm not a saint by any means and there are some things for which I have no sympathy, such as someone who has nothing and "suffers" and as a result lives a life of irresponsibility expecting and demanding handouts. I have no sympathy for that kind of person whatsoever. But almost always I do, just like I said, not a saint and I can be cool and disinterested as well. Sorry, I got so lost in the memory of myself and how ugly I felt i forgot what I started to write. The connection between feeling like an outsider and empathy. Because I do have a great deal of empathy for others—which hasn’t always been the best thing for me either. I came to the defense of someone being “talked about” loud enough so the target hears but it’s all said like no one knows she hears, not sure why people do that but anyway, I felt compelled to suggest merely “Why don’t you leave her alone?” It was a question and a suggestion, not yelled and not in a threatening manner. Within seconds I was thrown to the floor of the bus and punched and beaten and my things were stolen from me and the bus driver threw me off for being a troublemaker.

So though I have, most often, a great deal of empathy, its not been in my best interests to be.

I say MOST OFTEN I have empathy because I’m not a saint by any means and there are some things for which I have no sympathy, such as someone who has nothing and “suffers” and as a result lives a life of irresponsibility expecting and demanding handouts. I have no sympathy for that kind of person whatsoever. But almost always I do, just like I said, not a saint and I can be cool and disinterested as well.

]]> By: Katie http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/07/19/the-true-cause-of-cruelty/#comment-61753 Katie Mon, 18 Jul 2011 04:20:54 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2860#comment-61753 That's the first time I ever heard those things connected—feeling like an outsider and also being very empathetic. Because I identify with both. Even in the home I grew up in with my parents and brother and sister I felt like a misfit, a totally pathetic stupid ugly THING that wasn't accepted by anyone, not liked by anyone. I was always the last one chosen for teams or Red Rover games. It was so utterly humiliating standing there—forced to admit in front of everyone that I was the last person anyone would want to be with. I felt ugly and stupid. I've recently been scanning a lot of old family photos to share and just to have copies that won't get lost. I'm in a fair number of them—a child from these periods of time when I was feeling so very unloved and UGLY and AWKWARD. I've been surprised/amazed to find (this is probably the first time I ever really looked at them objectively) I was not ugly, I was actually nice looking and could have been really cute if my mother hadn't tortured my hair with her incessant need to make it curly and thus me like an idiot, at least in my mind. My entire life I have spent convinced I was ugly and now, at the age of 61 I find that among all the other lies my life consists of—I find I wasted my life hiding, feeling insecure, putting up with abusive relationships because I just knew I was ugly, something like what people look away from because its too gross for words. Should i be happy I wasn't ugly or should I be sad I spent my life living this lie? <blockquote><em><strong>Katie</strong>: Your life is far from over. How wonderful you've learned this truth now, instead of never. Live from today onward. Do not look back or regret the past. Every last bit of it was necessary to bring you to this revelation, this moment. Alex</em></blockquote> That’s the first time I ever heard those things connected—feeling like an outsider and also being very empathetic. Because I identify with both.

Even in the home I grew up in with my parents and brother and sister I felt like a misfit, a totally pathetic stupid ugly THING that wasn’t accepted by anyone, not liked by anyone. I was always the last one chosen for teams or Red Rover games. It was so utterly humiliating standing there—forced to admit in front of everyone that I was the last person anyone would want to be with. I felt ugly and stupid.

I’ve recently been scanning a lot of old family photos to share and just to have copies that won’t get lost. I’m in a fair number of them—a child from these periods of time when I was feeling so very unloved and UGLY and AWKWARD.

I’ve been surprised/amazed to find (this is probably the first time I ever really looked at them objectively) I was not ugly, I was actually nice looking and could have been really cute if my mother hadn’t tortured my hair with her incessant need to make it curly and thus me like an idiot, at least in my mind.

My entire life I have spent convinced I was ugly and now, at the age of 61 I find that among all the other lies my life consists of—I find I wasted my life hiding, feeling insecure, putting up with abusive relationships because I just knew I was ugly, something like what people look away from because its too gross for words.

Should i be happy I wasn’t ugly or should I be sad I spent my life living this lie?

Katie: Your life is far from over. How wonderful you’ve learned this truth now, instead of never. Live from today onward. Do not look back or regret the past. Every last bit of it was necessary to bring you to this revelation, this moment.

Alex

]]> By: What Justice Is « Happiness in this World http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/07/19/the-true-cause-of-cruelty/#comment-60351 What Justice Is « Happiness in this World Tue, 10 May 2011 01:30:54 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2860#comment-60351 [...] but explain this desire to ourselves in a way that justifies it (as I wrote in a previous post, The True Cause Of Cruelty, we do the same thing in order to go to war).  Certainly protecting ourselves from dangerous [...] [...] but explain this desire to ourselves in a way that justifies it (as I wrote in a previous post, The True Cause Of Cruelty, we do the same thing in order to go to war).  Certainly protecting ourselves from dangerous [...]

]]> By: How To Forgive Others « Happiness in this World http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/07/19/the-true-cause-of-cruelty/#comment-56412 How To Forgive Others « Happiness in this World Sun, 27 Feb 2011 18:57:24 +0000 http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2860#comment-56412 [...] they could be capable of any good. We tend to abstract those who harm us, as I wrote about in The True Cause Of Cruelty, diminishing them from full-fledged human beings into merely “our offenders.”  This [...] [...] they could be capable of any good. We tend to abstract those who harm us, as I wrote about in The True Cause Of Cruelty, diminishing them from full-fledged human beings into merely “our offenders.”  This [...]

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