Comments on: The Double-Edged Sword Of Attachment http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/06/14/the-double-edged-sword-of-attachment/ Reflections of a Buddhist Physician Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:14:15 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: Blind Panic http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/06/14/the-double-edged-sword-of-attachment/#comment-4128 Blind Panic Mon, 22 Feb 2010 13:34:24 +0000 http://happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2300#comment-4128 “Suffer what there is to suffer. Enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life…” I stand corrected. “Suffer what there is to suffer. Enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life…”

I stand corrected.

]]> By: Jessica http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/06/14/the-double-edged-sword-of-attachment/#comment-3799 Jessica Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:57:30 +0000 http://happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2300#comment-3799 Two days after Hurricane Katrina left my two kids and I homeless, I got a big lesson in attachment...and from an unlikely source, my 5 year old daughter. We were walking through a store in Georgia, and I fought back tears as we tried to find a map so we could navigate across the country and somehow find the rest of my family that had been scattered in the evacuation. My daughter looked up at me from the grocery cart, wiped a tear from my cheek and said, "It's okay, Mommy...you know you can't buy a new ME at Wal-Mart." Suddenly I realized that all the things I mourned for were just that, things. Replaceable things. And it was that idea that somehow gave me the courage to keep going and remake a life for all of us. Now, looking back, that storm was the best thing that ever happened to me. I now have an amazing husband, a new life in a great city, and more than I ever dreamed of having! I truly believe that while we have no control over things that happen to us or around us, we have absolute control over the way we react to them. <blockquote><em><strong>Jessica</strong>: What a fantastic story! Thank you so much for sharing it. Alex</em></blockquote> Two days after Hurricane Katrina left my two kids and I homeless, I got a big lesson in attachment…and from an unlikely source, my 5 year old daughter. We were walking through a store in Georgia, and I fought back tears as we tried to find a map so we could navigate across the country and somehow find the rest of my family that had been scattered in the evacuation. My daughter looked up at me from the grocery cart, wiped a tear from my cheek and said, “It’s okay, Mommy…you know you can’t buy a new ME at Wal-Mart.” Suddenly I realized that all the things I mourned for were just that, things. Replaceable things. And it was that idea that somehow gave me the courage to keep going and remake a life for all of us. Now, looking back, that storm was the best thing that ever happened to me. I now have an amazing husband, a new life in a great city, and more than I ever dreamed of having! I truly believe that while we have no control over things that happen to us or around us, we have absolute control over the way we react to them.

Jessica: What a fantastic story! Thank you so much for sharing it.

Alex

]]> By: anjela http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/06/14/the-double-edged-sword-of-attachment/#comment-2919 anjela Fri, 15 Jan 2010 18:00:18 +0000 http://happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2300#comment-2919 Having a sense of possible loss when your child was ill was one thing but had your child died not sure you'd be writing the same article and giving assessments to other people's grief who have loved and lost. Yes we attach but we don't attach with the prospect with losing always. I can only speak for myself. I think when one loves one's child or spouse or partner or anyone with whom a person is truly close to, the grief can't at that moment be just written off as "better days are ahead" or "chin up." Grief should be respected and the lesson I have learned has been to love someone as much as you can for whatever time you have so that if in the event that something happens—be it an ending of any kind (not just death) then you can look back and think how you loved that person and have no regrets. Yes you may be happy again but forever there is a void—like looking at an old sepia photograph where people in the picture fade and life is like that, a continual blurring of places and people fading from the original picture. <blockquote><em><strong>Angela</strong>: Just because some losses we suffer in the course of our lives are devastating and many don't ever really recover doesn't mean recovery isn't possible. And then there's the issue of what exactly it means to recover. You say, "Yes, you may be happy again but forever there is a void." I wonder how that experience may differ from person to person. And I certainly didn't mean to imply grief can effectively dealt with by saying simply, "Chin up." But given that all things <strong>do</strong> end, doesn't it make sense for us to search for a way to remain happy despite our losses—to use them even as a way to become happier? Alex</em></blockquote> Having a sense of possible loss when your child was ill was one thing but had your child died not sure you’d be writing the same article and giving assessments to other people’s grief who have loved and lost. Yes we attach but we don’t attach with the prospect with losing always. I can only speak for myself. I think when one loves one’s child or spouse or partner or anyone with whom a person is truly close to, the grief can’t at that moment be just written off as “better days are ahead” or “chin up.” Grief should be respected and the lesson I have learned has been to love someone as much as you can for whatever time you have so that if in the event that something happens—be it an ending of any kind (not just death) then you can look back and think how you loved that person and have no regrets. Yes you may be happy again but forever there is a void—like looking at an old sepia photograph where people in the picture fade and life is like that, a continual blurring of places and people fading from the original picture.

Angela: Just because some losses we suffer in the course of our lives are devastating and many don’t ever really recover doesn’t mean recovery isn’t possible. And then there’s the issue of what exactly it means to recover. You say, “Yes, you may be happy again but forever there is a void.” I wonder how that experience may differ from person to person. And I certainly didn’t mean to imply grief can effectively dealt with by saying simply, “Chin up.” But given that all things do end, doesn’t it make sense for us to search for a way to remain happy despite our losses—to use them even as a way to become happier?

Alex

]]> By: Blind Panic http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/06/14/the-double-edged-sword-of-attachment/#comment-1891 Blind Panic Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:50:25 +0000 http://happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2300#comment-1891 This is my point of view. The pain I am talking about here is the emotional pain caused by the relationship with a friend or sweetheart, rather than by the death of a loved one or the break-up of your parents. I ask you, why are you not willing to pay what it costs for the joy of attachment to another human being? The price is always a certain amount of pain, as the one you love will never do exactly what you want or need 100 percent of the time, leaving you upset/in bits/suicidal every so often. The pain is there for a good reason—that things suck sometimes. If you think you can avoid it, you are barking up the wrong tree and in danger of screwing up a beautiful relationship. Just take the damn pain and be grateful that you've got to suffer it. It is a happy kind of pain. Imagine having no relationships and no pain of attachment—that is called living death. I can't believe that Buddhists are afraid of submitting to this bittersweet emotional trauma. Are you really that spoiled for company and human relationships? You seem to have no idea of the value of attachment. Imagine what it would be like to be truly alone, destitute and broken. Then you would put up with a lot of crap in order to gain a friend. If you reject the pain of attachment, you reject life. Anyway guys, respect, thank you for submitting to my tongue-lashing. I welcome replies. Please leave my grammar alone. <blockquote><em><strong>Blind Panic</strong>: Nowhere in my post did I state or even imply that Buddhists are afraid to submit to the "bittersweet emotional trauma" that is life. In fact, a famous Nichiren Buddhist quotation states: "Suffer what there is to suffer. Enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life..." And, sorry, I reserve the right to correct any and all glaring grammatical and spelling mistakes (though you happened not to have any). ;) Alex</em></blockquote> This is my point of view.

The pain I am talking about here is the emotional pain caused by the relationship with a friend or sweetheart, rather than by the death of a loved one or the break-up of your parents.

I ask you, why are you not willing to pay what it costs for the joy of attachment to another human being? The price is always a certain amount of pain, as the one you love will never do exactly what you want or need 100 percent of the time, leaving you upset/in bits/suicidal every so often. The pain is there for a good reason—that things suck sometimes. If you think you can avoid it, you are barking up the wrong tree and in danger of screwing up a beautiful relationship. Just take the damn pain and be grateful that you’ve got to suffer it. It is a happy kind of pain. Imagine having no relationships and no pain of attachment—that is called living death. I can’t believe that Buddhists are afraid of submitting to this bittersweet emotional trauma. Are you really that spoiled for company and human relationships? You seem to have no idea of the value of attachment. Imagine what it would be like to be truly alone, destitute and broken. Then you would put up with a lot of crap in order to gain a friend. If you reject the pain of attachment, you reject life.

Anyway guys, respect, thank you for submitting to my tongue-lashing. I welcome replies.

Please leave my grammar alone.

Blind Panic: Nowhere in my post did I state or even imply that Buddhists are afraid to submit to the “bittersweet emotional trauma” that is life. In fact, a famous Nichiren Buddhist quotation states: “Suffer what there is to suffer. Enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life…”

And, sorry, I reserve the right to correct any and all glaring grammatical and spelling mistakes (though you happened not to have any). ;)

Alex

]]> By: jstele http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/06/14/the-double-edged-sword-of-attachment/#comment-881 jstele Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:01:58 +0000 http://happinessinthisworld.com/?p=2300#comment-881 The answer to attachment is surrender. We just need to allow ourselves to feel the attachment, to not have what we want desperately, or not be what we want to be. That doesn't mean we don't pursue what has value to us, but we can do it with a sense of perspective. We can know that something has value without being consumed by it. Nothing is worth investing our whole power in. This is different from tolerance where we just submit to our fate. The reason we attach is due to fear. We think that clinging to what we want will help us get it or keep it. But what we are really looking for is a sense of security. Security can only come from the knowing that we can take care of ourselves. <blockquote><em><strong>jstele</strong>: Agreed. Alex</em></blockquote> The answer to attachment is surrender. We just need to allow ourselves to feel the attachment, to not have what we want desperately, or not be what we want to be. That doesn’t mean we don’t pursue what has value to us, but we can do it with a sense of perspective. We can know that something has value without being consumed by it. Nothing is worth investing our whole power in. This is different from tolerance where we just submit to our fate. The reason we attach is due to fear. We think that clinging to what we want will help us get it or keep it. But what we are really looking for is a sense of security. Security can only come from the knowing that we can take care of ourselves.

jstele: Agreed.

Alex

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