Thank you for the beautiful, genuine and heartfelt letter. Taking the time to share this with others is a gift to all of us that have lost the love of our hearts. I remarried after a failed 30-year marriage. My new husband and I were a wonderful fit. We enjoyed each other tremendously and after a whirlwind romance we decided to marry. A few days after talking of marriage we were told that Keith had stage four, metastasized, bile duct liver cancer. We married two weeks later and enjoyed 7 months together.

The piece of the letter regarding guilt was certainly something that I needed to read. I thank you. I wanted so badly to give Keith a wonderful life. I have many times found myself in deep grief and tears that seemed to never end when going over my caregiving. Your letter gave me some relief and will be another tool for me to use in taking the steps necessary for me to go forward without guilt.

Desperate loneliness and deep, burning grief creep up. This will be a letter that I will read over and over until I begin to feel more alive again.

Many thanks,
Cathy

Cathy: My condolences on your loss. So very sorry to hear of it.

Alex

I truly hope that she has found comfort in what you have written; obviously she must have; the reason for her having posted it!

Thinking of them both every day.

Thank you for sharing this letter xx

Linda: Glad you liked it.

Alex

My father passed away on the 19th, after about 3 months in the ICCU. He had ARDS and all the complications that follow. We ran out of antibiotic classes by the end.

I’m trying to get back to normal—today we had the 13th day ritual after which the soul goes its way in the cycle of rebirths.

Despite being there 24 by 7, the what-ifs plague me.

Austere: Give yourself time to grieve. This is a fresh wound you describe.

Alex

What a marvelous insight you have into the human spirit. Thank you for your well-chosen words. I lost my husband on Oct. 11, 2005. My only marriage and it lasted 50 years! We were 20 years apart in age but as close as could be in all other ways of life. I still feel his presence all around me. I am finding it very difficult to move on and date. I know you should not compare your loved one to others but let them shine in their own light. Knowing that doesn’t seem to make it any easier. I find myself sabotaging every relationship I could encounter. Will I ever be able to open up to another man and give him what I gave my husband? They all seem so shallow today. Perhaps, it’s just the age or the baggage? I truly want to let my light shine again ( :

Warm Regards, Jean

Jean: Compared to 50 years of marriage, 5 years of grief seems not too long. It sounds like you’ve made good progress in returning to life after losing your husband, but that final step of looking for another companion takes even more time than bereavement. Be patient with yourself. That light hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s just choosing the right moment (and man) to shine for again.

Alex